Posts tagged ‘friendship’

If I Die…

If I Die…

I wanna see everyone smiles at my funeral because they remember the times I have ever touched their hearts and been a good man inside even if it’s only for a day in their life.

That is all I’m trying to achieve in this life. People might not miss me but remember me for the good heart.

If I Die…

I want everyone I love to love others the way I love them, to share love, to share smiles, to achieve happiness.

For the good love,
eldios©

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How I Met My Friends: Ireland Edition – First Class

Have you ever asked yourself how the first time you met your friends?

Do you remember what conversation you had the first time you met them?

I don’t have many friends in my life but those I have are really good friends. They are who have helped me through in each steps that I have taken in this life. Now I have finished my study here in Ireland few days ago, since then I have had many flash back about what I have been through in the last 6 years, about friends who will be leaving for only God know until when. Friends who were here beside me. Friends who stayed with me and supported me. Friends who pulled me up when I fell down. They deserve a place in my heart to be remember endlessly.

Six years ago, I started my journey in medical school. I didn’t have a good interpersonal skill. I was a quite guy who was too quite in everything I did, at least it happened for the first few months. The first friend who talked to me was a Malaysian boy, HHY. I never expected the way it started. It was just an ordinary day in a biology class. He came down the row and sat just across to my left. After the class, somehow I broke my social-anxiety barrier and I said to him, ‘Wow, you seemed to be more diligent now.’ Then we began our friendship. The next day he introduced me to AMA. The following week I visited HHY’s house and he introduced me to MZD and AM. I and HHY became closer as time went by. We shared to each other more personal stuffs. We shopped groceries together and we often ate lunch together. I just broke up with my ex when I started my friendship with HHY. He helped me indirectly to kill the loneliness I suffered. Our friendship was a real hard one. Each of us had our personal problems. Those problems sometimes surpassed our limits and made us did stupid anti-social attitude. Somehow, I believed that those hardships we had even bonded us stronger along the way. He eventually became my housemate in the third year of our friendship. We had even a lot more to share and I tried to understand him more though lots of times I failed to do. One and half year we shared the apartment until he had to leave for good. That was one of the saddest day in Ireland when I had to hug him for the last time at the airport. I couldn’t even speak a word on the bus on my way home. I didn’t go home because I was afraid that I would suffer a sudden loneliness. I went to Zara on that day. I bought a jacket, my favorite jacket until today for 40 Euro. That was my first ever buy from Zara. That jacket always reminds me of my ex-housemates. It reminds me that last day I met one of my best friends until the destiny unites us once again.

When I said it was the saddest day, it was literally the saddest one because that day it wasn’t only HHY who left for good but the other housemate also, MZD. Although we knew each other since my second semester, I wasn’t really close to MZD until my third year in Ireland after his wife-to-be (at that time) went home for good. He escaped from his shell and started to have more social life. He approached me after a microbiology class asking about possibility to move into my apartment. After taking some consideration, I and HHY let him moved in to join us to reduce our burden in paying the rent. We started our friendship quite late because we didn’t meet each other as much as we should. However, I do remember his first few words. He said, “Makan lah dulu kat sini, Charlie dah masak ayam” (Have your meal here first, Charlie has cooked chickens). One of the most memorable moment with him was the post-exam celebration few days before he left Ireland. We went to have lunch together in one of our favourite restaurant and we went to an arcade to play some machines. Until today, whenever I visit that restaurant, I still order the same meal as I did 2.5 years ago and it always reminds me of that last moment with my housemates. There were not much things we shared among us, but since he was sleeping in the living room, we shared bits and pieces. The most memorable one was our last chat in the night before he left for good with HHY. We talked much about our personal stories. We chatted for 8 hours until 4 in the morning, until he finished packing his luggage. He left earlier than everyone else because he wanted to prepare for his marriage and I really felt disappointed I couldn’t attend. It wasn’t long for us to know each other closer but it certainly has bonded us stronger. The last hug we had was really difficult for me to release. It was hard to see both housemates left together. It was even harder to arrive home and realized I would be alone for sometime. When I arrived at home, I just sat in front of TV. I switched it on but I didn’t watch anything. I just sat there and felt empty. They were the last housemates I had. Lots of memories and stories have built bridges between us and it should be kept for an endless time.

By making some new friends really helped me to develop a better social skill although it was going really slow. I didn’t make a lot of friends in the first year. By friends, I mean people who are in contact with me outside the school. It was only until my second year in Ireland that I broke another barrier. I don’t really remember how I could think about it, but that afternoon I asked her if I could sit beside her (SNAB). Then, our story began. We became a good friend. We went out together a lot for lunch and dinner. I often walked her home when it got to dark because I never like a girl friend of mine walk home alone in the night. It was one of the best friendship I have ever had. Until some day, some people became very busy and noisy and irritating and annoying. I was blamed as the devil. People started to making gossips and those news got into my nerve. My initial intention was to make friends and if it was wrong for any religion reason, I then decided to step backwards. If being a good friend was so wrong for others, then I shouldn’t be close to them because they would never want to try to understand my perspective. So, after the summer break, I tried to stay cold. It was hurtful. I never like to betray a friendship but I thought I did it for the good of us. I felt so guilty until today for doing that, to ignore her and avoided her at some stages. No matter how much I try to repay and ask for forgiveness, the guilt of betrayal is always there. I was not a good friend for her and I’m really sorry for this. That good friendship has never become as it used to be anymore although we are now back in touch, and it will never be the same again. What a shame. Thanks to those who called me, a satan.

My first 2 years in Ireland wasn’t really great in term of making new friends. I had only made 3 great friendships (HHY, SNAB, and AKI) and 1 who became a good friend after we stayed together (MZD). However, it doesn’t mean I didn’t know anyone else. I made some other friends but we weren’t as close as those 4. Those 4 know me more than the rest in class.

In the first year, I met AMA, a tough yet simple man with a strict mind. I don’t know much of him because his barrier to social life. He is physically maintained well but marriage is all over his brain cells. He always sat on the other end of the hall in the class.

There is also SA, a very directive girl. She keeps her points straight so often. She looks like someone who’s been hurt to me and try to keep her strength although she might be crumbling inside. But, deep down, she is a likeable person.

Then I also met AMM, a man who has a strong principle. He does to what he believes and he often doesn’t care to what other thought. He was one of the most wanted man but I had the belief that he had put his heart on someone’s and I was right. I wasn’t shocked at all when he came with the news he was getting married, but the ‘lost contact’ and ‘did not reply message’ he did after that really disappointed me.

I shall not forget to include Miss Blogger, a cameraniac, who I knew even before I left my hometown for Ireland. She texted me to get to know me before we meet in Ireland. She was sitting behind me for 3 months before she told me that she was the one who sent me a text message. She is a friendly home-bounded easily mellow girl. She was famous among us with her blog and remote control helicopter.

There was also 1 man who stayed in his cave most time but a really good person to tag along when you hang out. His humour is really fine. He was my housemate for few days because the blackout in his house. Unfortunately, I lost him. I still owe him big because he lent me his XBOX which helped me to strive loneliness after most of my friends went home for good.

Last but not least, there is AFR. A wild technology geek who tightens his belt for a fat pocket. He is a fun friend. We travelled together to the west coast of Ireland. We also happened to do our research together. We struggled through thickness together in the third year. The only thing I can’t follow him is his randomness especially when he is bored to death. Overall, he is a good friend but I hope he can be even better. There are things I shall let him know but I haven’t got the chance yet. I hope one day I do.

They were few friends I met in my first and second year in Ireland. They were the first class that made me comfortable in Ireland. They cheered me. They coloured my days. They are friends I would never forget. Some of us have been apart. Some might be apart in the future, but the bond of friendship should always be tightened. I hope one day we can meet each other again to share memories, stories, or just to sit and laugh together. I wish the very best luck to everyone.

 

Ireland Friends First Class

 

The making of friends, who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man’s success in life. -Edward Everett Hale.

 

With Love,

eldios©

Friends Are Like Shoes

“Friends are like shoes. You need them wherever you go.”

 

Today I wear again my old shoes I bought 9 years ago. They have finally come back from retirement after I repaired them last week. These shoes are legendary. They accompanied me anywhere around the world for 7 years before they were finally worn out and I decided not to repair but go for a new pair. Today is our reunion day and I realize that they are two of the best friends I have ever had.

Friends are like shoes. You need them wherever you go. Some people believe the more shoes they have the better they do. Similarly, the more friends you have, the better you’ll do. Some others think quantity is not important but quality shoes are really top in the list. The same thing happens in friendship, some people believe having quality friends in small number is better than having hundreds or thousands facebook friends list that you don’t even know who they are.

People will feel limitless comfortable with their best friends, just like when you don’t feel tired walking with your best shoes. Best friends will always be there for you, like your shoes will always be with you wherever you wanna go. Good friends never complain how tired they listen to your repeated stories, good shoes never get tired even if you walk the same path back and forward every day. Great shoes don’t get worn out easily, great friends never leave you alone.

When people don’t like their shoes or giving them pain, they may throw away those shoes. Friends who are not worth to be with or hurt you most times, they are friends who are not worth your times. However if they love their shoes much, they can just ignore the pain and keep walking through the pain. It is also sometimes worth to keep a friendship although it hurts you along the way. Unfortunately, no matter how good your shoes are, they will be worn out and eventually you will need a new pair. Just like friendship, there is one time that every friendship is gonna end for whatever reason and each of you is gonna move on with new companion in life. However, the best friendship can only be ended by death.

Lastly, the sad part is that most people can remember where and when they bought their shoes and how much the cost is roughly. Unfortunately, most people do not remember where and when they first time met their friends, they can even forget who their friends are. People tend to forget how precious a friendship is and it is as expensive as a diamond and is definitely more expensive than any pairs of shoes in the world. That is the reason why friendship is so cheap in this world, it is sometimes even cheaper than a pair of shoes.

 

“Love your shoes, love your friends”

 

Friends Forever.

 

With Love,
eldios.©

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Who Am I To Say

Love of my life, my soulmate

You’re my best friend

Part of me like breathing

Now half of me is left

 

Don’t know anything at all

Who am I to say you love me

I don’t know anything at all

And who am I to say you need me

 

Colour me blue I’m lost in you

Don’t know why I’m still waiting

Many moons have come and gone

Don’t know why I’m still searching

 

Don’t know anything at all

And who am I to say you love me

I don’t know anything at all

And who am I to say you need me

 

Now you’re a song I love to sing

Never thought it feels so free

Now I know what’s meant to be

And that’s okay with me

 

But who am I to say you love me

And who am I to say you need me

And who am I to say you love me

 

I don’t know anything at all

And who am I to say you love me

I don’t know anything at all

And who am I to say you need me

I don’t know anything at all

I don’t know anything at all

I don’t know anything at all

I don’t know anything at all

 

– HOPE © –

 

Never forget who your friends are.

 

Friends Forever.

With Love,

eldios©

Anger

“What’s wrong with you!? Why did you have to do it in the first place!?” a friend shouted it to me.

 

It hurt me for a second. Lucky enough, I could catch myself was about to get angry but then I realised that my friend might have misunderstood what I tried to explain and, in fact, I had not explained anything. I just told my friend what I knew. However, the news might have irritated my friend much because it was against my friend’s will. I tried to not get into arguments with my friend because I knew whatever I told my friend, it would not be important. It was still my fault at that time. I tried to squeeze few minutes for us to talk but it was not possible because of the busy schedule. So, when I got home, I explained to my friend what actually happened and I just hope that my friend would understand that I had done nothing wrong at all and hopefully my friend will not see it as my mistake.

Regardless whose mistake it was, the most important thing from this story is that how easy can someone get angry just based on assumptions which is unproven if it is valid. This was probably the first time I could catch myself from getting angry because someone shouted at me for something I did not do. If it was the usual me, I would probably go all over my friend’s face and stab words by words into my friend’s head so my friend can feel how hurtful it was when someone curses you for something you don’t do. I used to be a very emotional person. It wasn’t long ago when I could punch everyone whenever I got angry. It was difficult for me to control my anger. If there was one person who is more scary than my father when he gets angry, the person was me. That was something really shameful. It was nothing to be proud of. I regret most of my angers until today and how many people I have hurt because I was a jerk. It has been 5 years since I practiced myself to prevent myself from getting angry so easily. I would not say I am 100% angryless man, but I have a lot improvement compared to 5 years ago.

This is the way I see an anger and what I have learnt from analysing myself. Anger most likely came on a faster rate than our thought. Anger usually comes when the brain is in between assumptions and conclusions. However, the bad thing about anger is that it usually pulls assumptions and conclusions even closer, while the gap in between is supposedly be filled with listening and understanding. The anger is so professional in covering these 2 very important component in our mind. When we don’t listen to the full story, we won’t understand it the same as if we listen the full story. For example, if you watch a trailer of a movie, you won’t understand the movie the same as if you watch the full movie. The moral of the movie could be different and what you got from watching a trailer is only a taste on the surface rather than going to deep and see what the real story that the director is trying to tell.

That problem almost always happen when someone gets angry. Anger makes a shortcut in your brain, it eventually leads to misunderstanding. What is worse is when someone throws out his anger out of his mind just based on the assumption he made himself. As I said, when we receive an information for the first time, our brain digest it as an assumption. These assumptions trigger anger spot in our brain. However, it is not impossible to avoid this to happen. All we need to do to reduce this misunderstanding to happen is just by suppressing your anger. The question is how are we going to suppress the anger?

Firstly, anger reduces itself when we keeps quite for a little longer. So, instead of shouting on someone based on assumptions, we can try to listen carefully to the story or if we really can’t keep quite, we can try to ask something like ‘What’s actually happened?’ or ‘How did it even happen?’. Those questions give a chance for someone to explain his perspective a little bit more. While the person explains, we can try to digest and understand and most important to analyse if the person was at fault. If yes, we should ask ourselves why we think he was at fault and when we have the reason, we should ask ourselves again if it was intentionally or unintentionally fault. Lastly, we asked if that fault is worth our anger. Anger is a very expensive expression.

I guarantee you that when you are done asking those questions, you will feel lazy to shout, you will start thinking how to solve the problem more than cursing someone upon his fault, if it was his fault. Once we understand the nature of the story and we have listened all explanations and understood the plot how the thing happened in the first place and ended against our will. Then, we can continue to make the conclusion. However, it is still not the conclusion we make ourselves. We can have our conclusion but it should be the same conclusion as the person we suspected was at fault. Once we have the same perspective, then only if it is worth for us to get angry then we can shout all we want. But, again, do you really want to pay the price of an anger?

I learnt to understand this process very slowly. I made a lot of mistakes. I failed to suppress my anger most of the time. I kept trying to analyse how to suppress the anger before I launch it on someone. Today, I realised it was an easy task. All we need to suppress our anger is a bit of patience to listen and understand.

When my friend shouted at me, I felt hurt because I knew I did nothing wrong. I could launch my explosive sharp tongues but then I gave a bit of thought. I realised my friend did not know the full story yet because my friend was not there when it happened. I realised my friend was spontaneously shouting at me because my friend presumed that I did it on purpose or not purposely but I knew it would have affected my friend’s will. I also realised that my friend did not understand fully why I needed to do it and what was my intention and how it developed until it affected my friend’s will. Then, I came up with a conclusion that I should not be angry because my friend was not at fault, my friend was just being spontaneous and if I’m a good friend I would not reply in a spontaneous response. A good relationship between 2 people is when one is outrageous the other should be cool. It is known in chinese as YIN and YANG. A good balance between the two.

If each one of us can achieve to suppress anger, the world would be in peace. We would also be peaceful. We would feel happy. I don’t lie about this. Because, after I suppressed my anger, I became happy. I did not fake to be happy in front of my friend. I believe my friend did not even realise how I was hurt unless that friend reads this post. I did not even think about forgiveness at all. I just thought it was not important to get angry and nothing was worth my anger. That was it and it happened within 3-4 seconds. I believe it makes me happy because I was able to conquer my biggest enemy.

 

The greatest enemy in your life is yourself. The greatest threat in yourself is your emotion.

 

However, it is important to note that suppressing an anger is not the same as keeping an anger inside yourself or pretending not to be angry. Suppressing an anger means you suppress it and it reduces to the level when you feel not worth it. While keeping an anger means you keep it inside your head, but you know you are angry you just don’t let it out. That is not right as well, because it may harm yourself such as put you into depression, and when you vent it out, it would go all over the place uncontrollable. The best way to control anger is by suppressing it. It does not mean we should not be angry at all. It is our nature as humans to have anger. However, we must only get angry at the right place on the right moment for the right reason, even if it suits all 3 criteria, we must ask the last question again, “Do we really want to pay the cost of an anger?”

Anger is a very expensive expression. Why do I say it is very expensive? Because The cost of an anger is uncountable. We can’t pay an anger with money, food, gold, or time. Anger hurts someone’s feeling. When you hurt someone’s feeling it goes into the memory. No matter how big or expensive the diamond you try to give, it won’t cure the wound. The feeling is hurt, the wound is made, the scar is created. You can’t make a heart bypass scar disappears, can you? Even a scar of a needle will never disappear. That is the reason why anger is so expensive. The hurt feeling can tear up friendship or even the love between 2 people. It may create hate between the two. Even worse, the two may spread the anger with or without the hate to other people and causing chaos among people. The end result could be a world war. That’s why anger management is so important even if you don’t get angry easily because there is nothing is good about angry. So, STOP YOUR ANGER, I’ll continue be mindful to control my anger and hopefully one day we’ll be as one happy world.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one, I hope some you’ll join us and the world will be as one. -John Winston Lennon-

-THE END-

 

P.S: I said sorry to my friend because regardless what happened, even if I was not guilty, I have hurt my friend’s feeling. I’m truly sorry for that although I had nothing to do with that.

 

It is easy to say THANK YOU because it benefits you, but it is so hard to say I’M SORRY when you hurt someone.

 

Less angry, more happy.

BE MINDFUL. BE PEACEFUL.

 

With MORE Love,

eldios©

 

The Best Friend

Few weeks ago I felt so down because everything did not occur in the right way, nothing was on my side, and I fell into depressive days. Until one night I could not sleep at all, I was sitting on my chair with an empty feeling. I turned my head and searched my book shelf if there is anything I could read to ignore that moment for a while.

There is one book that caught my eyes. It is a new book that I brought from Jakarta this summer. The book is ‘The Worm And Its Most Beloved Faeces 2’ (Si Cacing dan Kotoran Kesayangannya 2) by Ajahn Brahm. I unwrapped the plastic cover. I read through the content list. I stopped at number 32 which is ‘The Best Friend’ (Sahabat Terbaik). I chose that because I felt so lonely that moment and I thought it could help me to improve my feeling.

Si Cacing dan Kotoran Kesayangannya 2 by Ajahn Brahm

So, I opened the page. I always like Ajahn Brahm because he teaches Dhamma in a story to make us easier to understand and I really find it easier. The story that I read was about a teacher who has a beautiful daughter and he made a test to pick the most wise man among his students. The test involves stealing stuffs from the villagers and the more the student steal unnoticeably the wiser. Most students stole stuffs unnoticeably by anyone. The most wise student won it by not stealing anything because he thought that even when he was alone he witnesses himself doing the wrong thing.

Ajahn Brahm

This is what Ajahn Brahm tried to point out of the story. I’ll quote what Ajahn said (this is gonna be a terrible quote because I translate it from Indonesian to English):

Apapun yang Anda lakukan dalam hidup, selalu ada orang yang melihatnya – Anda sendiri.

Whatever you do in the life, there is always someone who witnesses – Yourself.

 

Satu-satunya alasan mengapa orang benci sendirian adalah karena mereka benci bersama diri mereka sendiri.

The only reason why people hate being alone is because they hate to be their ownselves.

 

Jika Anda bersahabat dengan diri Anda sendiri, Anda berasa bersama orang yang Anda hormati dan kasihi. Anda bersama sahabat paling baik Anda, itulah mengapa Anda tidak pernah kesepian.

If you make a friend with your ownself, you will be with someone you respect and love. You will be with your best friend, that is why you will never be lonely.

 

Temukan sesuatu dalam diri Anda yang Anda sukai. Fokuslah pada hal itu. Jangan berfokus pada kesalahan, kekurangan, dan perbuatan keliru yang telah Anda lakukan. Jika Anda bersama dengan batin yang suka mencari kesalahan seperti itu, maka Anda tidak akan tahan dengan diri Anda sendiri. Anda tahu apa yang terjadi ketika Anda tidak tahan dengan diri Anda sendiri, itulah yang menyebabkan orang tertekan dan bunuh diri, dan itu adalah tragedi besar.

Find something inside yourself that you like. Focus on that. Do not focus on mistakes, imperfections, and wrong doings you have done. If you are with the mind which like to find those mistakes, you will not be comfortable with yourself. You know what happens if you are not comfortable with yourself, it is the cause people are depressed and commit suicide, and it is a big tragedy.

 

Jadi belajarlah bagaimana cara menyukai dan mengasihi diri Anda sendiri dengan memiliki sikap positif terhadap diri Anda sendiri. Istirahatlah sedikit supaya Anda bisa menyingkirkan kemuraman, maka Anda bisa mulai menyukai dan mencintai diri Anda sendiri, maka saat itu Anda adalah sahabat terbaik Anda. Saya jamin dengan sikap seperti itu, ke mana pun Anda pergi, tak peduli apa pun yang terjadi di dunia, Anda akan selalu bersama sahabat terbaik Anda. Itulah salah satu hal terindah yang bisa dilakukan.

So, practice how you can like and love yourself with positive attitudes toward your own self. Take a bit of rest so you can eliminate sadness, so you can start to like and love your own self, that is the moment YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. I guarantee with that attitude, wherever you go, regardless whatever happens in the world, you will always be with your best friend. That is one of the most beautiful thing can be done in the life.

Those paragraphs hit me right on the face. Ajahn has knocked on my door to open my heart and my mind. It blew my mind away. I was so shameful how retarded I have become. Ajahn has said it really on the spot to wake me up from stupid things I have done and wasted my life on. Since I finished reading that story, I tried to change myself to be a happier man. First of all, as Ajahn said, I need to find my best friend and to accomplish it I need to start loving myself. I have reduced whining to a much lower level. I have stopped blubbering my low mood on facebook. I will keep everything between me and my best friend just like I used to do 10-20 years ago. I am not perfect yet but I’m trying and learning and I could say I have found truths in Ajahn’s words.

I hope I can find my best friend soonest and I can be a happy man. I don’t need any other things in this life. All I want for life is just a happiness.

 

I love myself.

With Love,

eldios©

Ketulusan

Diam dalam kesunyian

Termaram malam kelam

Masih dinanti satu nyanyian

Walau mata perih terpejam

Tetap setia hati ini dipersembahkan

Tetap terbuka lebar semua gerbang alam

Bila nanti sang putri khayangan ingin kembali

Pangeran kan menunggang kereta kuda berhias emas

Menunggu di penghujung gerbang alam

Tanpa perang perjuangan

Tanpa aral rintang pengorbanan

Karena aku ada…

Karena ada kamu…

Dalam satu ketulusan aku setia…

Demi menanti kita kembali satu…

Karena cinta itu bukan perjuangan apalagi pengorbanan..

Cinta itu… ketulusan..

 

Dublin, 22 November 2011.

– Edvyn Andy Wongso© –

 

Mengapa kau pergi tinggalkan aku sendiri kala kau memintaku tetap setia menanti di sisi?

 

Terima kasih, cinta.

With Love,

eldios.©

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