Good morning, 2015.

It is the first Monday of the year. It is the first week of the year. It is the start line.

It has at least been 2 years since my last New Year’s Resolution. It has at least been 2 years I have stayed down and low in the darkness. It has been at least 2 years I was isolated down in the dungeon. Alone and afraid to see the world. I have neglected life, hopes, and dreams for quite sometime.

I lost everything 2 years ago. I broke into pieces. I couldn’t see myself returning to the life I had wished, to the dream I used to have. I have lost my smiles. I grew up into an evil. I was disappointed with life. Depression over depression smashed into my life. Global monetary crisis bit me hard in the ass. I literally turned into a hard cold rock. I lived the life I was forced to live. Some parts of myself have died with the broken heart I had. Some of them went numb living the life I didn’t wish. I became skeptical about life and left everything I used to be. I never want to be kind, care, love, generous, heart-warming with life again. I felt betrayed.

But, in the last 7 months, there has been a huge turbulence in my life. An angel came to my life. She sparked my spirit back to wake up from my long sleep. She pulled me out from my darkness. She drew a smile on my face. She dragged me out of the mud. I crumbled every now and then, she stayed with me. I betrayed my promises, she didn’t leave. I exploded, she calmed. I love her. I know I love her, but myself isn’t ready. That’s why I never ask her to be mine yet. I want to repair myself first. I want to be a good man for her. Instead, I hurt her again and again.

Life has become full of regrets. Full of fights. Full of anger. I just never learnt from my mistakes or perhaps I was too dark to get some light. Until 2 weeks ago, I finally realize who I am. I need to change. I apologized with everyone I have hurt before. I want to move on in this life. I want to be the person I had wished I became 2 years ago. I want to be the kind guy, the generous man, the simple boy, the dreamer, the survivor, the warrior, the lover that I used to be.

I am tired. I am tired being a loser. I want to fight back.

2015. My New Year Resolution is so damn simple…

A NEW ME.

This is for my family.

This is for you, Wei.

This is for my friends.

This is for everyone.

I once said..

You’ve got to taste the worst to know the best

 

For the new me,

With Love,

eldios©

 

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