Oh, I built a world around you
Oh, you had me in a dream,
I lived in every word you said
The stars had aligned
I thought that I found you
And I don’t wanna love somebody else

Oh, we left it all unspoken
Oh, we buried it alive
And now it’s screaming in my head
Oh, I shouldn’t go on hoping
Oh, that you will change your mind
And one day we could start again
Well I don’t care if loneliness kills me
I don’t wanna love somebody else

Oh, I thought that I could change you
Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell
I know that it’s time to tell you it’s over
But I don’t wanna love somebody else

– A Great Big World© –

I really don’t know what to do. I love her. I really do. I want to be happy and make her happy. But, she keeps refusing. She keeps asking me to leave. So many reasons she had to deny that I truly love her. Do I really not deserve a chance to love? She mentions it over and over again that she wants me to stop loving her. I always tell her I can’t. Somehow, it makes her upset.

I don’t know what is wrong. Did I just fall in love with a wrong girl again? Why can’t I love her for the sake I am in love?

I am sad. Really sad. Because I never know why she really wants me to stop loving her. What is the reason I can’t love someone? Why does she always insist she would never love me and never want to? Why, oh why?

I was destroyed for years that I was afraid to try to open my heart again. Once I open the door, she comes in and stays. I thought I could something new, but it does not seem to be. I thought this could finally be a happy chapter in this life or this blog at least.

I wish she would change her mind. I wish I could hear her say ‘I love you too’. I wish we could spend some time loving each other even for an hour. So much of wishes I could pray for, but none of them will happen. It is the same old story. I am loving someone to heal the wound that will happen, so when it happens it won’t hurt that much. But she wants the wound from now because she believes so much that I would get back into those depressions.

Time is running out. She is leaving soon and will probably be with the other guy. She would never pick me over him and I knew it from the beginning, but I made a mistake not to confess my feelings before. That’s why I told her everything. I want her to know from the beginning, everything. But, it seems that my love hurts her.

I really do not know what to do. I’m so lost. I am not afraid who she will pick one day. I just want a chance to love her. I don’t care how it would end one day. I just want to love again, and be loved if possible.

It’s probably over now for me but I don’t wanna love somebody else.

I will probably just do the same old story. To keep loving someone inside me. To live in loneliness.

I wish she could feel the same.

The heart ready to be broken.

For WT.

With Love,

eldios©

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