The Postgirl


Everything began about 13 years ago, roughly about 3 months after I moved to a new school, I was supposed to make friends but somehow I made some enemies instead. Someone was jealous because I was close to a girl in my new class then he made some gossips about me and the girl. She got upset and eventually kept a distance from me. I never had a chance to explain, so I sent her a letter through a friend. I just wanted to apologize if I had made any mistakes although I was certain I never said anything wrong.


It was a sunny afternoon during my break I was sitting alone in the corridor in front of my class. I was just looking empty across the basketball court to the green wall at the other end. All of sudden someone called me. Two girls stood behind me. One is quite tall, the other is not that tall.


“Hey, you are Ed, right?” asked the shorter girl.

“Yes, and you are…” I replied.

“We’re A’s friends. She just asked us to pass you this.” The girl gave me a letter.

“Well, thank you.” I said while I put it in my pocket.


The two girls who passed the letter then left me alone again. They looked like best friends. I had no clue at all who they were. All I knew they entered the classroom beside mine and that is about it. I did not even remember to ask for their names, but the shorter girl really attracted my eyes.


A Bottle of Mineral Water


Nine months later.  New class, new friends, new beginning.


As I always did, at my first day in my new class, I always sit alone at the right back corner. I liked to see those new friends passing by. But, on that day, something was different. The two girls I met a year ago entered the classroom. The shorter girl stunned me right from the second she entered the classroom. I didn’t move my eyes even for a second. I followed her moves until she sat beside her taller friend. I’m sorry I didn’t know their names yet. I was such a quite boy who never introduced myself to someone I never met. But, I didn’t care about her name yet. I was so focussed on this girl who stunned my eyes and made my heart tremble. Love at first sight? Probably. The second sight confirmed it definitely.


3 months passed by. I found out her name when the teacher called her. She was one of the most important girls in the class because she was one of the smartest in the class. I admired her so much in the class. I wanted to talk to her but I was so afraid and shy. So, I waited for the right time or perhaps for an incident that made me talk to her.


Finally the most waited moment arrived when our class had a retreat trip. I was ordered by the teacher to give a bottle of water to each student. No, I didn’t talk when I passed her the mineral water, but I stood next to her sit after finishing my job. I drank my water then I put the empty bottle on the seat pocket in front of her.


“HEY!” she shouted.

I turned my head and saw her, “Yes?”

“This is not a rubbish bin. Is there no rubbish bin? Why don’t you throw it there? Throw your bottle into the bin, not here.” she ordered me with her high notes.

“Okay.. I’m sorry. No need to get angry.” I stupidly followed her. I took the empty bottle with me.

“Your fault..!” she insisted.


I returned to my seat at the back of the bus. That feeling I felt was weird. I was just being blamed by someone I never spoke with but I felt so fine. It was not myself that I knew at all.


From that moment, during the retreat, I always tried to look for a chance to get to know her better. Until the priest made a game which everyone should not talk during the retreat, if someone wants to talk to someone else, that person must send a letter to the other person mailbox. I was a boy who doesn’t speak much in class or anywhere. I never had the nerve to speak to someone I never knew before. So, I thought the game could help me in a way because I don’t need to speak directly. Indeed it helped me much. I got some friends through this game. One of them is now one of my best friends.


These are the letters she sent me 13 years ago:

That incident when I scolded you because you put an empty mineral water bottle at my seat. You were crazy

Hallo! Morning! Thanks you have cared for me. I cried indeed. Ehm..

Argh.. you’re ridiculous. you like to mock others! Yak! That’s it. Thanks.

Since then we became friends. We then got to know each other more after the retreat, when we were paired to sit together on same table. It was one of the happiest periods in my life. I meant who would not be so happy to sit beside the girl you admire every single day. Although she did not know I admired her so much. She probably would never know.




Learning about her personality was really interesting for me. Sitting next to her gave me a lot of chances to get closer to her, but I was just a little boy who was not among top students and did not have any good interpersonal skills especially with a girl who I admired too much.


Then I learnt my way to find one or more reasons just to speak with her. I called her every night to ask her to teach me about any subjects through the phone. I asked her about things I didn’t understand or even answers for my homework, although most of them were just fake calls. I just did it for the sake to talk to her outside school. I borrowed her books to copy down her answers although most times I have done my homework the night before when I had the extra lessons at home.


I did this until one day her mom answered the phone instead of her. She warned me that she thought it was quite disturbing for her daughter that I called almost every day. She explained her daughter daily activities and how my calls disrupted the schedule. So, I was requested to reduce it. Since it was close enough to the final exam, I just did it because I thought it would be the best for the two of us.


Birthday Party


One day I was invited to her birthday party at her house. I didn’t know what to bring as a gift. I took days to decide what to buy. I even could not decide it until the very last minute.


That Sunday morning, I went to practice football in my club. I took a shower after the training, and then I went to the mall. I still remember how empty the mall was at 11 in the morning. Some stores have not even opened yet. I walked passing by store by store to see what I could and had enough money from my savings to buy. After about an hour, I bought a small Dalmatian toy. I just had enough for that.


When I arrived at her house, I felt so awkward honestly. I did not know most of her friends there. I only knew those who had been in the same class with me before. Few things I remember from that party is when her father made a joke of me and one girl insisted she wanted to watch the start of Formula 1 race before we left to play games in a small garden across her house. They played a small kick-a-ball game after they knew I got a ball in the car. I somehow stupidly kicked the ball and hit one of her best friends. That was plain stupid of me.


I might not talk much on that day but it was the happiest day for me. No matter how awkward I was but that day remains in my thought for a very long time.




Our graduation came closer, faster than I ever expected. Our class prepared a show to be played on our farewell event. Ten of the students in the class joined the team, including me and W. I was in so much disappointment when I was not paired up with W. The jealousy flowed inside my mind whenever I saw her dancing with another guy.


There is a little story about our practice session. One day, some of us were too lazy to practice. So, we cancelled it with others by giving them hundreds of reasons. However, we just lied with those reasons. Five of us who ran from the practice actually went to W’s house. We just hang out there.  We wanted to go for a swim but the sky did not allow us, so we played under the rain instead at her garden. We played till we were so tired and then all of us just sat down on the sofa in the end. We stayed there until the end of the day. I was the last one to leave because I had to wait until off office hour for my driver to pick me up.


On the day of our graduation, I asked a friend of mine who did not join the performers to take a photo for our performance. Somehow, he took it right focused on her. It might be a coincidence, but I don’t really care. It was just a perfect gift for my graduation. I still keep that photo until today. I can’t post it here for confidentiality.


First Try


After our graduation, I never heard from her anymore. Until one Sunday afternoon, she called me. I was so surprised, so delighted. She asked me if I wanted to go for an event in her new school. At first, I thought she was asking me to go with her. I was so enthusiastic with that. I asked for all details. Until the end she asked me if I wanted to buy the tickets from her. Because she had bought a ticket for herself, unfortunately she could not go, so she was asking me. I said I would buy it from her but I would not go because I don’t even know a person there.


Few months went by, I never heard anything again from her nor did I ever meet her. Somehow faith seems reunited us. I saw her passing when I was waiting to be picked up after my English course. She did not notice me at all, but I was so sure it was her. The stunning moment when I had the year before was very similar to this one.


I waited her to see the following week again just to be sure. Indeed, it was her. I with my palpitating hearts and mumbling mouth tried hard to talk to her. We met right when I opened the door about to leave the building while she was about to enter. We talked for a bit then we took our ways.


Weeks after, with so much of courage, I tried to confess to her about my feeling although I knew it would go in a bad way, but I thought there is nothing wrong to try. She did not answer it right away. I waited for about 3 weeks before I got an e-mail from her.


“I think we should know each other better first, so I’d say no this time.”


That mail broke my heart. I could still feel that pain until today. I almost went crazy. I had no friends to talk, I could not even talk it with my family. I felt so miserable and depressed for quite long. I could not forget her at all. Ten months after, my grandmother passed away and it made everything even worse. I even had a thought to leave a layman life. I wanted to be a monk. January 2002 was the first time love betrayed me. I had all faith in love but it just did not happen, but I did not blame anyone, not her, not anyone, only me, myself. I was just not a good enough boy for her.


~End of part 1~


With Love,