This year began with huge hopes in myself, just a typical morale boost that I always have every New Year’s Eve with a bunch list of resolution which have never been achieved and some even were forgotten along the year. Having said that, it was a hard year to begin. I was alone in my apartment counting down for the New Year to arrive. That was not as bad as previous years though.

January began badly in week 1 when I found out my housemate at that time stole my money. It was hard to swallow because I thought I could trust him. Unfortunately friendship is just a piece of bullshit nowadays. That incident really pissed me off. I would never forget that has ever happened, even more after I found he stole my cereals. The problem was because I could have given him for free the whole box if he asked me without he stole it. To steal cereals from your housemate is the cheapest thing to do ever. If he stole that money, I could still understand why but not for cereals. That is such a cheap deed. The burglar moved out the week after I found out he stole my money. He left quietly and I was lucky to stay up that night so I could know when he left. However, that was a happy moment for me because at least I would not suffer further.

January ended so hard with the exam I had in early February. There were horrible nights in Drogheda when I had to upload 14 cases in one night. I know it was my mistake for my typical last-minute deals but it was still horrible and something I would never want to do anymore, seriously.

February started with the exam day. The most scary exam in my entire 5 years medical school that time. The madness day was full with 12 non-stop OSCE stations. I did not sleep for 3 days jut because I had to score well for that exam. Thank God, it was paid-off. The stressful life became easier when it came to mid-February as the easiest rotation arrived. I planned my first trip to Italy with my best friend in March.

March was the most beautiful month this year. The wedding of my best friend, TVT, which I could unfortunately not attend followed by the birthday of the special girl should never be missed out. The month was closed by my trip to Florence, Pisa and Rome. That was the best moment of my life, thanks to my best friend, AGL, who invited me to come. I would never forget how I enjoyed Florence and Rome, especially Vatican. Unfortunately, I could not join my friend earlier to visit Milano, the city of my football club, FC Internazionale. I really hope one day I could return there and visit Inter before I leave Europe.

Back to Dublin on the last day of March and I started April in Kilkenny. Not the nicest town and not a warm team to be attached with. There was a ‘pain in the ass’ doctor who never understood the struggle of medical student being one month away from their final exam. I spent most of my days in April struggling to finish up my notes and with my typical super-power last minute-deals I stroke all subjects.

May was the toughest one. The most unfortunate month in which I was born and on the same month I always had my exams in my entire life. The exam schedule was terrible. It was monstrous for me to have 2 different subjects back-to-back in less than 12 hours in between the two. Not to mention those 2 subjects were the most difficult. Unfortunately, I had to sacrifice one of them and that ruined my last summer holiday. By the end of May I was totally exhausted with exams. I was grateful that I made it until the end.

June began with me stealing some moments for a break. A friend came over from Malaysia and I met her for the first and probably the last time ever. So, while I needed an escape from the study, I entertained her day in Bray. June 13th 2011 was the day when I flew my kite again, let it fly high. That was a moment to remember in life.

In the middle of June I had to make up the sacrifice I made. They said the exam would be easier than the first attempt, in fact, it was as hard as the first one. Luckily I had more time to prepare enough materials so I could achieve better marks. Then, came the bad news from my previous landlord that he could not accept me paying the discounted rent anymore. So, I had to find a new tenant to share the house or I have to leave. I gave up in the beginning and I almost moved out. Then someone came and convinced me to stay. Unfortunately he was just a liar. He left the house the next  day he arrived after he found a better price in another place. He gave me so many reasons which were unacceptable at all. So, he left the house and I decided to let go the house because I had to appreciate the landlord decision. He was kind enough to let me stay for the last 2 years with the discounted rent. That incident almost ruined my life because it happened just 5 days before the oral exam I had to repeat. I was so depressed and under so much stressed. It even affected my friend who I asked to stay over to help me practising for exam. I was left alone with an exam to do and a fact that I would be homeless in the next few days and I had no where to put my stuffs. Luckily, one friend was kind enough to let me put my stuffs over the summer months. I was also luckily enough to find a new place to stay just the last day before I left for home. But, that day after exam, the day after I did not sleep for 2 days, I had to move my stuffs from the North-side of Dublin to the South-side by bus. That day was the worst nightmare ever. The next day when I reached my seat on the plane to Birmingham, I went straight to sleep until the plane landed in Birmingham. Then I continued my dream again from Birmingham to Dubai. That made me stayed awake for the flight from Dubai to Jakarta, but I was so exhausted. That was the first time ever I did not watch any entertainment movies in flight.

The summer was ruined because I had to sacrifice one of the subject but it was paid-off when I was officially a final-medical year student just the morning before I departed to home. I stayed home for 5 days but I did not have any chances to meet my friends. I had lots of things to settle with my family. Then I flew for an elective in Sydney. I thought it would be an escape for me unfortunately it was not an escape at all. My sister gave me lots of things to settle and so I could not enjoy Sydney as much as I would like to. But, it was fun to meet some of old friends in Sydney.

In the mid-August my sister graduated from her master degree. So, we had a family trip again in Australia. We went to Tasmania and spent a week there. Tasmania was a peaceful place where I am gonna go when my life is crowded with stressful non-sense. Tasmania is a beautiful island with various different natures. That was a great moment to get some blissful mind.

August was the beginning of most memorable months this year. August 14th 2011 was the day I remember that I felt like flying to the sky. That night I suddenly received a text-message from the special girl. It was not important at all because she was asking for my little sister but then we talked about other things. One day, two days, three days then I realised that we have never talked continuously for 3 consecutive days. Unfortunately, I had to give the sim-card to my sister, so I could not be in touch with W while we were in Tasmania.

I wanted to visit my friends in Malaysia actually in September but because my June-July holiday was already ruined, I decided to just stay in Indonesia before I came back to Dublin. That decision became the best I made this year. Since I touched down in Soekarno-Hatta Airport I was in contact with W for the entire September, until mid-October until I became too busy and she was too.  Unfortunately, I am still a stupid naïve man who don’t understand how to make a girl fall in love with me. However, that one month I spent in Indonesia was the most wonderful in my life. August 18th 2011 was the greatest memory every. That was the day I fell in love again with the same girl. That was the night I would never forget. Her last smile that night would never be forgotten.

The last night in Jakarta I spent with some friends. That was a madness day to drive. We planned to meet in a mall for a fancy night but unfortunately the traffic was so unfriendly. It took me hours just to get out of the area I live. We ended up to meet in a KFC. That was pretty sad but it was such a memorable day. I met friends who I have missed for 7 years. We updated a lot of things, too much stories to share in just one night. They were my best friends in high school. We created a school magazine together. One of them just got married 3 weeks ago and I am so grateful he finally steps into another level.

October and November became typical busy months with series of unfortunate events. My mood was fluctuating very much. I went too depressed when a mentor failed me in an exam because I answered him correctly. The depression was hit by another and another like waves kept slamming on my mind. It hit the climax 2 weeks ago. I would not like to talk more about it. I’m recovering and hopefully I could do well starting tomorrow to achieve the goal of 2012 which is to be a doctor and so I can cross one more point from my bucket’s list.

2011 was the darkest year in my life ever. It started so cruel and became more cruel in the middle and even more in the end. I survived this year thanks to the steel heart I have. I can’t even remember how many give-ups I almost made in this year. The continuous struggles I have gone through would make me stronger but also I felt more exhausted each time. However, I would always stand again after each fall. I have lots of unfinished business. There are many dreams I shall achieve before my life ends. The spirit of 2011 was the ‘never give up’ spirit. That was how it started and the same way it is ended. That is the way 2012 is founded and how I must rise again to fight and stand up against the world.

However, it was undeniable that 2011 was the most beautiful age. The beauty of darkness when I could appreciate every lights shine on me. It was a beauty to smile in the darkness. It was a beauty to feel love in between sorrows.

I am thankful for everything happened in 2011. Each incidents have taught me something. Things that I never knew or realised before. There are many things I have to improve next year yet many things I have not learnt. I have caused riots in my life and I need to bring more peace and happiness. I have to create more smiles. It is hard but it is not impossible. I just have to start from myself.

Today is the last day of 2011. It is not just another year ends. It is the end of the dark age. The most important thing is I survive this dark age. I am the real deal. I am the Real Steel.

I have read or heard so many quotes in this year while I was struggling getting through the dark age. However I have picked the best I heard from someone I met.

It is not the suicidal thought that is scary. It is scary when you don’t actually have the thought but commit suicide. That is the tragedy and you lose to your life and you remain as a loser even after you die.

The End of 2011.


Auld Land Syne.

I am ready for a new beginning.


Happy New Year.

With Love,