“What’s wrong with you!? Why did you have to do it in the first place!?” a friend shouted it to me.

 

It hurt me for a second. Lucky enough, I could catch myself was about to get angry but then I realised that my friend might have misunderstood what I tried to explain and, in fact, I had not explained anything. I just told my friend what I knew. However, the news might have irritated my friend much because it was against my friend’s will. I tried to not get into arguments with my friend because I knew whatever I told my friend, it would not be important. It was still my fault at that time. I tried to squeeze few minutes for us to talk but it was not possible because of the busy schedule. So, when I got home, I explained to my friend what actually happened and I just hope that my friend would understand that I had done nothing wrong at all and hopefully my friend will not see it as my mistake.

Regardless whose mistake it was, the most important thing from this story is that how easy can someone get angry just based on assumptions which is unproven if it is valid. This was probably the first time I could catch myself from getting angry because someone shouted at me for something I did not do. If it was the usual me, I would probably go all over my friend’s face and stab words by words into my friend’s head so my friend can feel how hurtful it was when someone curses you for something you don’t do. I used to be a very emotional person. It wasn’t long ago when I could punch everyone whenever I got angry. It was difficult for me to control my anger. If there was one person who is more scary than my father when he gets angry, the person was me. That was something really shameful. It was nothing to be proud of. I regret most of my angers until today and how many people I have hurt because I was a jerk. It has been 5 years since I practiced myself to prevent myself from getting angry so easily. I would not say I am 100% angryless man, but I have a lot improvement compared to 5 years ago.

This is the way I see an anger and what I have learnt from analysing myself. Anger most likely came on a faster rate than our thought. Anger usually comes when the brain is in between assumptions and conclusions. However, the bad thing about anger is that it usually pulls assumptions and conclusions even closer, while the gap in between is supposedly be filled with listening and understanding. The anger is so professional in covering these 2 very important component in our mind. When we don’t listen to the full story, we won’t understand it the same as if we listen the full story. For example, if you watch a trailer of a movie, you won’t understand the movie the same as if you watch the full movie. The moral of the movie could be different and what you got from watching a trailer is only a taste on the surface rather than going to deep and see what the real story that the director is trying to tell.

That problem almost always happen when someone gets angry. Anger makes a shortcut in your brain, it eventually leads to misunderstanding. What is worse is when someone throws out his anger out of his mind just based on the assumption he made himself. As I said, when we receive an information for the first time, our brain digest it as an assumption. These assumptions trigger anger spot in our brain. However, it is not impossible to avoid this to happen. All we need to do to reduce this misunderstanding to happen is just by suppressing your anger. The question is how are we going to suppress the anger?

Firstly, anger reduces itself when we keeps quite for a little longer. So, instead of shouting on someone based on assumptions, we can try to listen carefully to the story or if we really can’t keep quite, we can try to ask something like ‘What’s actually happened?’ or ‘How did it even happen?’. Those questions give a chance for someone to explain his perspective a little bit more. While the person explains, we can try to digest and understand and most important to analyse if the person was at fault. If yes, we should ask ourselves why we think he was at fault and when we have the reason, we should ask ourselves again if it was intentionally or unintentionally fault. Lastly, we asked if that fault is worth our anger. Anger is a very expensive expression.

I guarantee you that when you are done asking those questions, you will feel lazy to shout, you will start thinking how to solve the problem more than cursing someone upon his fault, if it was his fault. Once we understand the nature of the story and we have listened all explanations and understood the plot how the thing happened in the first place and ended against our will. Then, we can continue to make the conclusion. However, it is still not the conclusion we make ourselves. We can have our conclusion but it should be the same conclusion as the person we suspected was at fault. Once we have the same perspective, then only if it is worth for us to get angry then we can shout all we want. But, again, do you really want to pay the price of an anger?

I learnt to understand this process very slowly. I made a lot of mistakes. I failed to suppress my anger most of the time. I kept trying to analyse how to suppress the anger before I launch it on someone. Today, I realised it was an easy task. All we need to suppress our anger is a bit of patience to listen and understand.

When my friend shouted at me, I felt hurt because I knew I did nothing wrong. I could launch my explosive sharp tongues but then I gave a bit of thought. I realised my friend did not know the full story yet because my friend was not there when it happened. I realised my friend was spontaneously shouting at me because my friend presumed that I did it on purpose or not purposely but I knew it would have affected my friend’s will. I also realised that my friend did not understand fully why I needed to do it and what was my intention and how it developed until it affected my friend’s will. Then, I came up with a conclusion that I should not be angry because my friend was not at fault, my friend was just being spontaneous and if I’m a good friend I would not reply in a spontaneous response. A good relationship between 2 people is when one is outrageous the other should be cool. It is known in chinese as YIN and YANG. A good balance between the two.

If each one of us can achieve to suppress anger, the world would be in peace. We would also be peaceful. We would feel happy. I don’t lie about this. Because, after I suppressed my anger, I became happy. I did not fake to be happy in front of my friend. I believe my friend did not even realise how I was hurt unless that friend reads this post. I did not even think about forgiveness at all. I just thought it was not important to get angry and nothing was worth my anger. That was it and it happened within 3-4 seconds. I believe it makes me happy because I was able to conquer my biggest enemy.

 

The greatest enemy in your life is yourself. The greatest threat in yourself is your emotion.

 

However, it is important to note that suppressing an anger is not the same as keeping an anger inside yourself or pretending not to be angry. Suppressing an anger means you suppress it and it reduces to the level when you feel not worth it. While keeping an anger means you keep it inside your head, but you know you are angry you just don’t let it out. That is not right as well, because it may harm yourself such as put you into depression, and when you vent it out, it would go all over the place uncontrollable. The best way to control anger is by suppressing it. It does not mean we should not be angry at all. It is our nature as humans to have anger. However, we must only get angry at the right place on the right moment for the right reason, even if it suits all 3 criteria, we must ask the last question again, “Do we really want to pay the cost of an anger?”

Anger is a very expensive expression. Why do I say it is very expensive? Because The cost of an anger is uncountable. We can’t pay an anger with money, food, gold, or time. Anger hurts someone’s feeling. When you hurt someone’s feeling it goes into the memory. No matter how big or expensive the diamond you try to give, it won’t cure the wound. The feeling is hurt, the wound is made, the scar is created. You can’t make a heart bypass scar disappears, can you? Even a scar of a needle will never disappear. That is the reason why anger is so expensive. The hurt feeling can tear up friendship or even the love between 2 people. It may create hate between the two. Even worse, the two may spread the anger with or without the hate to other people and causing chaos among people. The end result could be a world war. That’s why anger management is so important even if you don’t get angry easily because there is nothing is good about angry. So, STOP YOUR ANGER, I’ll continue be mindful to control my anger and hopefully one day we’ll be as one happy world.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one, I hope some you’ll join us and the world will be as one. -John Winston Lennon-

-THE END-

 

P.S: I said sorry to my friend because regardless what happened, even if I was not guilty, I have hurt my friend’s feeling. I’m truly sorry for that although I had nothing to do with that.

 

It is easy to say THANK YOU because it benefits you, but it is so hard to say I’M SORRY when you hurt someone.

 

Less angry, more happy.

BE MINDFUL. BE PEACEFUL.

 

With MORE Love,

eldios©

 

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