Few weeks ago I felt so down because everything did not occur in the right way, nothing was on my side, and I fell into depressive days. Until one night I could not sleep at all, I was sitting on my chair with an empty feeling. I turned my head and searched my book shelf if there is anything I could read to ignore that moment for a while.

There is one book that caught my eyes. It is a new book that I brought from Jakarta this summer. The book is ‘The Worm And Its Most Beloved Faeces 2’ (Si Cacing dan Kotoran Kesayangannya 2) by Ajahn Brahm. I unwrapped the plastic cover. I read through the content list. I stopped at number 32 which is ‘The Best Friend’ (Sahabat Terbaik). I chose that because I felt so lonely that moment and I thought it could help me to improve my feeling.

Si Cacing dan Kotoran Kesayangannya 2 by Ajahn Brahm

So, I opened the page. I always like Ajahn Brahm because he teaches Dhamma in a story to make us easier to understand and I really find it easier. The story that I read was about a teacher who has a beautiful daughter and he made a test to pick the most wise man among his students. The test involves stealing stuffs from the villagers and the more the student steal unnoticeably the wiser. Most students stole stuffs unnoticeably by anyone. The most wise student won it by not stealing anything because he thought that even when he was alone he witnesses himself doing the wrong thing.

Ajahn Brahm

This is what Ajahn Brahm tried to point out of the story. I’ll quote what Ajahn said (this is gonna be a terrible quote because I translate it from Indonesian to English):

Apapun yang Anda lakukan dalam hidup, selalu ada orang yang melihatnya – Anda sendiri.

Whatever you do in the life, there is always someone who witnesses – Yourself.

 

Satu-satunya alasan mengapa orang benci sendirian adalah karena mereka benci bersama diri mereka sendiri.

The only reason why people hate being alone is because they hate to be their ownselves.

 

Jika Anda bersahabat dengan diri Anda sendiri, Anda berasa bersama orang yang Anda hormati dan kasihi. Anda bersama sahabat paling baik Anda, itulah mengapa Anda tidak pernah kesepian.

If you make a friend with your ownself, you will be with someone you respect and love. You will be with your best friend, that is why you will never be lonely.

 

Temukan sesuatu dalam diri Anda yang Anda sukai. Fokuslah pada hal itu. Jangan berfokus pada kesalahan, kekurangan, dan perbuatan keliru yang telah Anda lakukan. Jika Anda bersama dengan batin yang suka mencari kesalahan seperti itu, maka Anda tidak akan tahan dengan diri Anda sendiri. Anda tahu apa yang terjadi ketika Anda tidak tahan dengan diri Anda sendiri, itulah yang menyebabkan orang tertekan dan bunuh diri, dan itu adalah tragedi besar.

Find something inside yourself that you like. Focus on that. Do not focus on mistakes, imperfections, and wrong doings you have done. If you are with the mind which like to find those mistakes, you will not be comfortable with yourself. You know what happens if you are not comfortable with yourself, it is the cause people are depressed and commit suicide, and it is a big tragedy.

 

Jadi belajarlah bagaimana cara menyukai dan mengasihi diri Anda sendiri dengan memiliki sikap positif terhadap diri Anda sendiri. Istirahatlah sedikit supaya Anda bisa menyingkirkan kemuraman, maka Anda bisa mulai menyukai dan mencintai diri Anda sendiri, maka saat itu Anda adalah sahabat terbaik Anda. Saya jamin dengan sikap seperti itu, ke mana pun Anda pergi, tak peduli apa pun yang terjadi di dunia, Anda akan selalu bersama sahabat terbaik Anda. Itulah salah satu hal terindah yang bisa dilakukan.

So, practice how you can like and love yourself with positive attitudes toward your own self. Take a bit of rest so you can eliminate sadness, so you can start to like and love your own self, that is the moment YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. I guarantee with that attitude, wherever you go, regardless whatever happens in the world, you will always be with your best friend. That is one of the most beautiful thing can be done in the life.

Those paragraphs hit me right on the face. Ajahn has knocked on my door to open my heart and my mind. It blew my mind away. I was so shameful how retarded I have become. Ajahn has said it really on the spot to wake me up from stupid things I have done and wasted my life on. Since I finished reading that story, I tried to change myself to be a happier man. First of all, as Ajahn said, I need to find my best friend and to accomplish it I need to start loving myself. I have reduced whining to a much lower level. I have stopped blubbering my low mood on facebook. I will keep everything between me and my best friend just like I used to do 10-20 years ago. I am not perfect yet but I’m trying and learning and I could say I have found truths in Ajahn’s words.

I hope I can find my best friend soonest and I can be a happy man. I don’t need any other things in this life. All I want for life is just a happiness.

 

I love myself.

With Love,

eldios©

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