Kangen

Kau takkan mengerti segala lukaku.
Menghadapi kemerdekaan tanpa cinta.
Karena cinta telah sembunyikan pisaunya.
Membayangkan wajahmu adalah siksa.
Kesepian adalah ketakutan dan kelumpuhan.
Engkau telah menjadi racun bagi darahku.
Apabila aku dalam tekanan dan sepi.
Itulah berarti aku tungku tanpa api.

– Rendra –

 

LONESOME

You would never understand all my wounds

Facing freedom without loves.

Because love had hidden its knives.

Imagining your face is a suffering.

Loneliness is fearsome and disabling.

You’ve become toxins in my bloods.

If I were under pressure and lonely.

I were just a stove with no fire.

 

A poem by Rendra has hit my mind and heart once again. This poem has a very deep meaningful point. I feel the truth about how love can be sickening and disabling us. It’s the loneliness that made us suffer even worse. It is what I feel and sometimes made me depressed. Not that I can’t be independent, but it’s against my faith and it’s painful to live with. No one would ever understand what I feel no matter how I describe it. This poem has made the point. It’s painful, frightening, saddening, and disabling. It’s the loneliness really that kills. It’s the fact that the other side doesn’t really care. It’s the feeling about wanting love and to be loved that mesmerizing my mind, regardless the relationship with the objects.

That is what people never understand. That is what people never really care about. Sometimes, pain in the heart is more painful than any wounds. Sometimes, I feel my tiredness for chasing what my belief is the true happiness. It made me feel awkward about being in the normal world. Perhaps, I’m just too naive that I still think love is the most important thing we must have regardless what our life purposes are. That’s why I always try to inject love in every single thing I do. People called me insane and stupid for that. And really, I’m saddened sometimes when I don’t feel the same love returned, but the pain I feel unloved is paid by the joy I have when I’m in love.

Well, people never really care about love to be honest. Love is a childish thing in the so-called normal environment. I give a think about this sometimes, probably, it’s the competition in this world that made people had more ego than love. People just made priorities based on their ego than care. The pressure that the world put on each and every people made people don’t care about what’s in the surrounding. This is why, in my humble opinion, our world isn’t getting better. People fight each other for money and power. People chase their dreams what they’re going to do and have in their 60’s or 70’s. I with my naivety think about what I wish to have when I breathe for one last time. It’s love that I want to feel for the last time. Because, without love, human is just like a stove with no fire, cold and pathetic.

 

Spread the love. Kill the lonesome.

Be a fire and warm the earth.

Never act like a stove, cold and pathetic.

Because I dream of a world full of love.

 

With Love,

eldios©

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