When everyone in my class is busy studying and preparing for their final med exams, I’m still busy figuring out what kind of doctor I wanna be. I’m not thinking about who I want to be or which specialty I’m going to train. I just think about what kind of doctor I wanna be. In this final year medical school, my feeling is so random. I don’t really know what to expect once I finish my career as a medical student. I have no idea how I’m going to pursue my big dreams.

Everyone talks about what they are going to be. They talk about how they are getting there. They already know their path although it is not fixed. On the other side, I am drawn into a picture about how to work best as a doctor. I don’t know yet what I’m going to be. I don’t know where I’m going to train myself. I just learn and think about how to make patients happy.

Two days ago, a patient told me the difference between a doctor who is like an angel and another doctor who just works as a doctor. I learnt from her that to be a doctor is not about treat and cure only. Being a doctor is also about how to make those who sick happy. I know lots of medical students are very career-oriented. They think about learning everything and being the best doctor who knows everything. They will tell patients what to do and what not to do. Though, I admit most of these students are smart, unlike me. They really know their stuffs, unlike me. They are very competitive. They are pro-active and enthusiastic. They will kill every other students like me who just don’t want to compete. They will take all the chances to get closer and have a good connection with the bosses. They will sneak into every procedures and tell the bosses how good they are and how bad the rests are. However, the question is if they really know how to care patients. I can see these people can’t stay any longer than 20 mins with patients. They tend to cut the patients stories. They just want to rush everything because they already know the best before they even think. These doctors will be famous because of their achievements. Again, do they really care about their patients? I don’t know. I have never seen these kind of students following up their patients properly. They just want to learn something new everyday which is good in a way, but I’m not sure on the other hand. It really depends on your perspective. All I can say that I refer these doctors as ‘curing doctors’.

My next question, does curing is enough to treat patients? We are thought and programmed to give empathy to patients during our medical school years. But, these fade away as we grow up closer to be doctors. I am honestly not good at expressing myself, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about my patients. I am so used to be so quite which is a huge disadvantage for me. I am learning to break it though. I hope to be better in the near future. I learn these from my colleagues, my consultants and doctors who care about their patients.  I have to say that not every single medical students is career-minded like those I mentioned above. Some others are really good in taking care of patients. I witness myself that one of my team-mate really cares about our patients. I am amazed how she tries hard to comfort those patients. Really good, indeed. I would say that this team-mate is going to be a great caring doctor as long as she keeps what she is doing everyday. These caring doctors, as I would call them, are not treating with what is the best for the patients but treat the patients with what suits them best. They don’t just listen to patients’ stories but also they explore. They don’t tell the patients what to do and not to do, but they advice the patients. These doctors are not just going to treat the patients but they will comfort the patients. They will be doctors loved by the patients.

From the types of medical students I mentioned above, I am not categorised into any of them yet. I spend most of my times in hospitals to practice and learn to be what kind of doctors I wanna be. I want to be a doctor who can make their patients happy because when I applied to medical school I just have one dream and I keep it until today. The reason I joined medical school is because I want to create happiness for others. I don’t know if curing is more important than caring. But, the patient who told me her differential doctors, said to me to be an angel. Because she felt that she improved much better whenever the angel doctor in my team sees her. Her advice struck me in the head. I seriously give it a thought and I must think about what kind of doctor I want to be way before I am thinking about what specialty I am going to choose. And, I have made my mind now. The differential doctors the patient told me about gave me a key to open the door about what I am going to do in this life and which steps I have to make to achieve my dreams.

Most people think about how they are going to be rich, famous, or whatsoever in their minds. I am as a human, I never really think about how much money I will have. I don’t give a damn the fact that I don’t have an ipod or any fancy gadgets. I never really care about how successful I’m going to be as a doctor, if successful means the more patients I have. Because, the definition of successful I have in my mind is to be a worthy doctor. A doctor who serves, comforts, cares, and treats. I will let the patient’s karma to cure them. I will just help them to make them happy when they are going through their obstacles. That is the life I would like to have. To serve others for humanity for happiness.

Most people think about what or who they are going to be in 10 or 20 years. I always think about what I’m going to do before I die. I always ask myself, “What if today is the last day of my life?” I always try to spread love as much as possible from day to day. It is difficult to make others happy everyday and serve them unnoticed. A lot of people think I am naive, stupid and wasting my life. Probably I am, I don’t know. I am just searching for eternal happiness. I am happy whenever I can make others happy. Because, I just have one dream in this life. It is to spread love and make happy as many people as possible before I breathe out for the last time. I have not done much for the first 25 years, but I’m going to do more starting tomorrow. I promise.


Serve. Comfort. Care.

For humanity.

For happiness.


With Love,