2010 has been a spectacular year for me. There are mixed of lots of struggles and happiness. Emotion fluctuated ups and downs through the year. Each month has its own story. Two thousands and ten brought me two thousands and ten emotions. The madness was sometimes uncontrollable. The euphoria was sometimes irresistible. 2010 was a great battle for one hope, for one destination, for a future.

This is the story of my battle going through the year of 2010, which is very difficult year to deal with, right from the beginning until the very last-minute. I will write this in the order of month to make things easier. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s the history begins!

January 2010

The challenge in 2010 arrived right from the beginning of the year. However, I was excited with to fight for my destiny after a struggle 2009. I believed I could do better in 2010 because 2009 had developed me into a better, stronger fighter. However, I did not expect the challenge came as soon as the first week of January. I was in much miserable life after my friendship with my best friend collapsed in the end of 2009. She was my best friend since childhood and to lose her even hurt me more. Apart from that case, I also heard bad news from across the continent. My sister had problems in her work and my family had to ask my perspective, but the problem got worse at that time. None of us was sure which was the best option. I could not convince my parents to calm down and their calls just made me desperate each time. Furthermore, my Grandmother’s condition dropped and became worse. The whole family started to lose hope. Again, I tried to convince everyone but they were thinking too negatively. Well, I could not blame them for that because they never understood what we see is always worse than the reality.

These 3 problems came to me on the same day at the same time! Could you believe it? It was even worse because it hit out just 5 days before my first examination day. It was an examination that I wanted to prove that I was worth transferred for my college. Those problems left me insane for 2 days and spent it without doing anything. I felt miserable and depressed. I started to function better again just 3 days before the due exam. I could not finish my study but I covered majority of the course. I felt confident I could pass the exam well. I thought I did all 3 exams better than the June 2009 exam. I even expected a little more than just a ‘passed’. Well, I thought I deserved it and I believed I did.

January 2010 was basically just an exam month and a beginning of a new cycle of my study. The cycle is the leading path towards clinical years. However, that January was a little bit different because both of my housemates left Ireland for good. So, it meant I had to fight 2010 alone. Loneliness just struck into me and added into my miserable life. To come home and finding that I was living alone was really depressing.

February 2010

This month is one of the most difficult one to write about. It is simply the month I want to forget, but the more you want to forget something the more you will remember it, and it is now the most memorable month of 2010. For the first 2 weeks, February was very friendly. I enjoyed much of my intermediate cycle (that is the term for the new cycle) with lots of interesting stuffs. For the first time in my study I felt like I was really going to be a doctor. However, the good story did not last any longer. The last happiness was when I celebrated Chinese New Year alone in my apartment.

The week after Chinese New Year, the disaster arrived. It was worse than any punches of Mike Tyson or upper cut of Lennox Lewis. With all my confidence at the highest peak, I checked my exam result just to find out I failed 2 subjects, the two most difficult subjects. Suddenly, all my confidence dropped to the lowest point. I was knocked out. I fell and could not stand up anymore. February 18th 2010 was the worst day of my life. I spent a night lying on my bed doing nothing. However, the next day I stood up back and demanded a revenge. I wanted to write my own destiny. I wanted to prove to my parents that I was not any disappointments. So, I did a recheck, I tried to call for a board meeting, I did everything to pass without sitting the repeat exam because I still believed I deserved better than what I got.

March 2010

The battle between me and the college continued in this month. I demanded an explanation but they tried to cover the reason why I failed. No one could tell me until today I was given zero for those questions I failed. The worst explanation was from the tutor herself. She said I was given zero because I did not deserve any better than that. She never explained to me why my answer was awarded the Big ‘O’. All she said were I did badly, I didn’t deserve, etc. She never answered me when I asked how she actually marked it. One day, I asked my professor during the feedback class for those who failed the exam, the Professor said she would have given me some marks! From that moment, I knew that I never failed the exams, but they failed me. I also realized when there is something fishy smelled, I would be better back off and just follow the flow to prove my worth. So, I did not push any further for my appeals. I rejected an offer for extra tutorials from the college. I fought with my own style.

I tried to fight from every possible way. I took a challenge on the research I thought to be the easiest while it turned out to be the busiest one. I also had a new housemate who is a doctor, a very irresponsible doctor. I swear I will never to be a doctor like him. A doctor who never paid the rent and bills on time. A doctor who never cleaned the house. A doctor who never kept the kitchen clean and hygiene. I felt lucky he only stayed for 3 months. He just added unnecessary stresses into my life. However, I did not let that down. I kept my mind focus on the challenges in June.

April 2010

The research ended on April 16th and then the study break started. I had about only 2 months left before the exam. Days and nights I spent working on my notes. I did not touch any games at that time. I did not go anywhere. I did not watch television. I did not watch movies. Four weeks holiday I spent only four days to sleep. It means I spent 3 hours of sleeping only and the rest of my seconds were on the notes. It was madness. I became a mutant. It was only once or twice I felt desperate to attempt suicide. I sometimes depressed and cried. I could not share with anyone. 90% of my friends are not students anymore. They don’t feel the same depression as mine anymore. I could not tell my parents as well. Their business was not great. They were in very problematic feelings too. I could not share to them my problems adding more to theirs. My sisters were not helpful too. My elder sister was busy to plan for her future after her resignation. My younger sister was not really care with me anymore since long time ago. I felt sometime we were no longer siblings and I still have to do something for that.

So, that left me fighting alone. My colleagues here in Ireland are just colleagues and I can tell you they are not the same with those I call true friends. We care each other because we are in the same boat, if not, forget it. Friendship is just a myth. That was really difficult for me although it had been 4 years since I started in Ireland but this year was little bit more difficult because I had not one, but two semester examination to be done in one week! All these, I believed, contributed in some ways to the deterioration of my health. I fell sick, got better, fell sick, and got better. I was living in the dark side of life.

May 2010

May have always been the most wonderful time every year for me. It is simply because it is my birthday. However, this year I had the saddest birthday (click here for the full story: the saddest birthday). I did not celebrate my birthday as enthusiast as previous years. I only spent my day with Iron Man 2, a pan of New York cheesecake, a cupcake and lecture notes. I concluded my birthday with a quote I will always remember.

You’ve got to taste the worst to know the best

The first 2 weeks were basically part of the four weeks ‘holiday’ I had which I spent 3 hours of sleeping per day. With only the small amount of sleeping time, I still could not finish my preparation for the repeat exam. I almost gave up. I could not push anymore further. However, I spent the last 1 week of May in Drogheda. I found an energy drink shot. I had drunk the ‘classic’ energy drink almost everyday during the holiday. It did not have anymore impact after 4 weeks. So, I thought it would be a worth trying the shot. I started to use it to boost my energy with a hope to finish covering the course before the one-week study break begins. Following that decision, I had a reduced hours of sleeping each day that even added more nightmares into my life, but I had no other options.

The only good thing in May is that FC Internazionale Milano, a club I have supported since my childhood, won a treble. They grabbed Coppa Italia. They were number one in Serie A Italian League. They were the champion of UEFA Champions League. However, it was also the end of an era. Jose Mourinho left Inter in the very best possible way. I could not blame him but I am sad. I thank Jose Mourinho for the present for Inter and me and bid him a farewell with lots of respect. It was a smile of my wounded life.

June 2010

June is the finale. June is the re-match.

The first week was even more madness came into my life. With one shot of the energy drink, I only slept 1 hour per day. That was the last week of my intermediate cycle. Then I had 1 week of study break before exam. However, with my sleeping time reduced to 1 hour per day, I still could not master everything. So, I decided not to sleep before I finished everything. I did not sleep until 3 days before the first exam day. However, I only mastered the repeat exam subjects. I had not touched the subject examined on the first day! That meant I had only 3 days to master everything about history taking and physical examinations of medicine and surgery. It was all about making the impossible possible. Surprisingly, the closer to the exam, the more optimist I was. I built more confidence. I had more spirits to fight. I deleted ‘give up’ from my life dictionary. I became a beast!

The spirits of champions brought me the luck I lacked in 2010 (click here for the full story: no time to give up). The 3 days preparation was surprisingly enough to achieve more than just a pass. Indeed, I got an honour for that exam. The rest of the exams were manageable as I had made sure I mastered everything. Then I flew home to Indonesia with lots of confidence that I am ready for the next challenge in the clinical years.

July 2010

All of sudden, my life turned around 180 degrees when it came to July. I flew home on July 1st, spent 2 nights in Jakarta, then I flew to Sydney with my sister for a new adventure in a new continent. Australia became officially the fourth continent I stepped in my life. I could finally treat myself a deserved travelling around Sydney and Melbourne. Of course, it wouldn’t be wonderful without my family. Two weeks spent in Australia was wonderful. I would love to go back there and perhaps spend some years of my life to explore more.

However, apart from the great travelling, we heard a rather bad news from Indonesia. My Grandmother collapsed and she needed to be hospitalised. Again and again, those in Indonesia were more excited to spread the bad news than sharing loves to my Grandmother to comfort her. Her condition dropped worse and worse from day-to-day. When we arrived back in Jakarta, we went to the hospital straight. I tried every best possible ways to comfort her. The following few days, there was a conflict between me and my father. There are things that is different due to our own perspective. That was a conflict but it meant that we wanted the best for my Grandmother to have the best outcome. I spent most of my times in the hospital accompanying my Grandmother. I have never been that close to her, but I am grateful that I could be very close to her for the last few days of her life (click here for the full story: A Memoir of My Grand Hero).

August 2010

August 6th 2010, my Grandmother passed away. However, I felt blessed that she has passed her misery and sufferings. I missed her much. I cried when her body was cremated, but I cried because I was happy for her. I knew she would rest in peace. I believed she would live in heaven. She was a wonder woman. She was my hero.

After my Grandmother passed away and my sister settled down in Sydney, the two biggest problems in my life have been cleared. I also passed both of my repeat exams and supposedly to receive a first class honour for one of them if it was not a repeat. I have proved to the destiny that I am the author of my destiny and a destiny is just a myth. I have finally won the battle of 2010!

With the win over the destiny, I enjoyed the rest of my summer holiday in Jakarta. There is one purpose why I must go home during summer beside to enjoy my holiday and helping my parents. The purpose is called ‘Love’. Whenever I am in Indonesia, I must see this girl. She is just amazing. She stunned me every seconds. She made me fall in love with her more from day to day. Although I don’t know the fact whether she loves me too, I believe that I love her fully wholeheartedly. She is the only one that can make me live in love. She is doubleyou.

This girl has already become a woman. She is very busy with her daily life: her job, gym, foreign languages classes, family, etc. That makes me even more difficult to get closer. However, there was a chance to meet her when she wanted to go for a dinner with my younger sister. I had a job from my father to do but I did not know how my father asked me to follow my sister. So, I went for a dinner with her. I still remember that it was the first day I had my blackberry. It was a good night, a night to be remembered. It was a night when I fall in love with the same girl for the 4th time in 4 consecutive years.

Since that night, we started to talk again after few months following the troubles I was facing because I did not make any contacts to my friends. I needed more time on my own to defeat the destiny. After the night, I spent most of my time helping my parents’ business. My father is getting older and so is my mother. They are still strong but they can not afford to be under too much pressure anymore. I’m the only son and I have more responsibility to help them in every way possible to keep the business on track and to reduce the pressure on my parents. It was not an easy job because there lies my future too. My future also depends on the success of my parents’ business. Thanks, God! We still survived despite the very difficult year of 2010.

September 2010

This is the last month of my summer holiday. My return ticket to Dublin was dated on September 22nd. With Eid’l Fitr fell on September 10th, I basically only had 10 days left to enjoy my holiday, because prior to Eid’l Fitr there was lots of jobs need more attention in the company. So, I could only have my holiday after the Eid.

I had to prepare those 10 days very carefully to be able to meet most of my friends. Unfortunately, one of my best friend whom I hurt (refer to January) was visiting USA, so we missed a chance to meet, but I got the good news. Our friendship had been reinstated and she has a boyfriend! I am very happy for her and for us. Her name is DNO. Beside of her, I still have a list of friends to meet. However, I could only meet five of them. The first two were newest best friend. I knew them just around 7 years ago.

That day was a wonderful day. Three of us went out just to shop in Grand Indonesia. Remember, this was the second time only I met TVJT. You would never believe the fact that we are friends for 7 years and yet we have only met twice and both happened in this year. We had a dinner together in Pizza Hut. Then we window shopped almost each fashion shop. Well, it was a bit more happiness in me because I was also chatting with my doubleyou via Blackberry Messenger. We ended the day in Haagen Dazs. Then I got a pack of mochi and 2 packs of kitkat from Japan from TVJT. When she passed it to me, I noticed that her car shows me sign that TVJT is indeed a Hello Kitty maniac, so if anyone reads this wanna give her a gift, just sent her a big Hello Kitty. She would not mind even though she might not have a place to store it.

That Hello Kitty fact just made me squeezed in between 2 maniacs because WP is a maniac of Eeyore The Donkey. Yes, if you would like to send her a present, give her an Eeyore, except as a birthday present. It is a difficult position for me because I ain’t maniac of anything although I love Pixar animations, I don’t collect them as mad as these 2 girls. Well, although they are maniacs, I still think they are worthful as my best friends. These two are to whom I shared most of my stories beside DNO. I regard these friends as my sisters despite our race, religion, or cultural background. This is why a friendship is fantastic, because it gives a love without borders.

Another one friend I met last summer was AGL. She is a friend from my old-time. We met for the last time on 2004. We often lost of contact but we have kept our friendship going. So, we finally met again after 6 years. She brought her boyfriend and his friends. I did not mind at all. Indeed, I really wanted to meet his boyfriend so I could know him and vice versa. Therefore, my friendship with AGL will last forever because she does not need to hide me anymore. Just a bit about AGL, she is a gorgeous, charming, smart girl who has a very kind-heart too. The guy who becomes her husband is a very lucky guy!

The last 2 friends I met last summer were doubleyou and GPK. We met just few days before I left Jakarta. GPK is the newest old friend I met 3 years ago. We were friends from junior high school but we never talked until we met 3 years ago. She is one of doubleyou’s best friend. She is an interior designer. I missed her the most because we did not have a chance to meet in 2009. So, I was happy to finally meet her again although it must be together with doubleyou. However, as busy as her schedule, doubleyou could only come for the dinner that day, I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to spend more time with her. However, it was not a big deal, as long as I could meet her nothing else matters.

We had the dinner in an Italian restaurant named the Apartment in Kuningan. When I saw her again, for God’s sake, I seriously blamed God to create this very beautiful creature who makes me fall in love each time I see her. We spent the night just eating dinner and taking pictures among us. However, it was an unforgettable night. Although, I have one wish that I could not make which is to take a picture of me and doubleyou, just the two of us. I really hope she will love me one day. I do! (click here to see how much I love doubleyou: cafe d’amour, and a clue about who she is: patrick starfish)

After all these nice stories with 4 of my best friends and 1 lovely lady, I had to leave Jakarta on September 22nd. My orientation for Senior Cycle, the last challenge to be a doctor, started on September 23rd and my classes started on September 27th.

October 2010 – November 2010

Nothing much happened in the these 2 months. I spent October and a third of November with psychiatry department (click here for my psychiatry experience: psychiatry). The rest of November was spent with paediatrics department. Psychiatry gave me a whole new experience while Paediatrics is more towards another important aspect of medicine. Paediatrics rotation could be more enjoyable if I were to have at least 2 more weeks to taste the real Paediatrics. However, I could not see children in so much pain. It is painful to see them struggling in hospitals.

They were both interesting but I have not decided whether I would be any one of them. I will wait until next June to make a decision. Although, both of them have given me a madness at end of each rotation with its end of course exam. These end of course exams are like serial killer and I will have one more next February for Obstetrics and Gynaecology. I have survived paediatrics and psychiatry, although I am not very satisfied with the result, now I just need to complete the result next summer to pass in to the Final Year. I am excited!

December 2010

Finally, we arrive at the last month of the year. The first 2 weeks of this month was spent in Paediatrics with the exam took place on the 17th. After a week with lack of sleep prior to the exam, I decided to enjoy one week of holiday until Christmas. I spent my days with playing football, shopping, playing video games, watching movies, and watching a television. I went to watch Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows and The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of The Dawn Trader alone. It was wonderful to watch these movies with only few people in the cinema. I owned the cinema! Apart from the cinema, I also watched at least 4 movies in a day from television or online. I really caught up with what has disappeared from my life. It is known as entertainment.

On Christmas Eve I cooked a sweet and spicy seafood and drank couple glasses of vodkas. It was a little party to treat myself and, of course, alone. After the dinner, I was chatting with TVJT via Blackberry Messenger and it was a mistake to talk to her in an euphoric mode because I hurt her, luckily she could forgive me 2 days ago. This is another wonderful thing about friendship. (click here for the full story: an open apology and friendship reinstated).

One last thing happened in this last month of 2010 is AFF Suzuki Cup Final which took place in Gelora Bung Karno Stadium, Jakarta last Wednesday, 29 December 2010. Indonesia did not grab the trophy but Indonesia won the pride! Indonesia was united! and I am proud to be Indonesian and proud of my fellow Indonesians and Garuda National Team, although they did not steal the cup. The way they fought and Indonesian supporters fought made me proud. (click here for the full story: (Indonesian version) Darahku Tetap Darah Garuda)

Today, Friday, December 31st 2010, is the last day of the year. I have prepared for my next rotation since Monday until this morning when I could not push further then I slept. I woke up at around 11 am because my friend wanted to come and take a shower in my place. After that, I have been sitting on my bed, typing this post while sometimes read some news in the internet or watching some videos. Once I release this post, I need to do my dishes and laundry, then I will take a shower before I countdown for the new year in Dublin. I am going to welcome 2011 with a widespread hand, a smile, and a hope.

This midnight shower is a new ritual which means something important to me actually. Showering means that you are washing any dirty part of your body. This midnight shower means I will wash every parts of my body, wash all the obstacles, wash all the unfortunate events to welcome the new year with a clean body, mind and soul. This is the first time I am doing this ritual. Hopefully, it will bring more luck in the new year and most of my wishes would come true for the better future of mine. I want to close the story of 2010 and leave all the unfortunates behind. I am not going to see it again, unless I need to learn something from it. I will look ahead for a brighter future. I will step carefully one by one and keep going forward. I am going to write a better 2011 starting tomorrow. I want to make my family happy. I want to see my friends smiling. I want my family and friends be proud of me, and when the story of my life comes to an end one day, they will still be smiling because they know that I have achieved a dream, that I have done one good thing. Therefore, I am going to continue chasing my dreams and my love. I am going to keep on writing my destiny and I won’t stop before the end of time. I promise.

That is the end of this story of the spectacular year of 2010. It was an unbelievable year with all the obstacles I have been through. It was a hard, rough battle between me and the destiny. It was full of hopes and hopelessness. It was full of madness and happiness. In the end, I’m still sitting here as who I am. I am still a medical student. I am still single. I am still alone and lonely. I still love watching movies. I still love cheese and chocolates. I still love the same girl. I still enjoy playing football. I still enjoy writing in my blog. I still regard friendship and family as the most important aspect of life. I am still fighting for my future. I am still fighting for a better world. But, I am now much stronger. I am now more powerful. I am ready to fight till death. I am now a better man. I will never give up. I now know how to stand up whenever I am knocked down. I am now the author of my destiny. I am an ordinary guy who is fighting for my rights, for my identity, with a destination known as ‘a hope’. This hope is a hope for a brighter future, a hope for a better world, a hope for world peace. And, I promise I will not stop before the end of time.

To end this post and especially to close the book of 2010, please allow me to post a quote that will be the theme of the new year, at least for me.

When I look back on the darkest moment of our history I knew we would part and that now, I must let you go. We will know a deeper, surer love. It begins fleetingly, but it deepens and endures. It grows amidst all strangeness of life. It is a beauty we can always depend on. It is a beauty of friendship (and family). -Mr Bean’s Holiday

With the beauty of friendship and family, we, people, now need to be united. Each of us help each other to fight for a better world for us and for our children. We have been through any kind of disasters from floods, typhoons, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis to volcano eruptions. We have been through any kind of wars and economy crisis. It is now about time, people, for us to tighten the bond, to strengthen the relationship among us, for us to be a family despite who we are, what we are and where we come from. We are one as one world. We are one and we’ll fight as one. For friendship and family. For a better world. For world peace.

Goodbye 2010.

Welcome 2011.

Happy New Year – Selamat Tahun Baru!

With Love,

eldios©

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