I had a conversation some time last week with my elder sister.

Me: I got to tell you, that guy is a rabbit (chinese zodiac).

Sister: What!? No. That is impossible then.

Me: Oh. Don’t judge from the rabbitness please. Anyway, why so many rabbits lately? Our big boss, him, my W.

Sister: Wow. Wow. Wow. Are you saying you are now with her (W)?

Me: No. not yet. *bitter laughs* I’m just imagining if she was to be mine.

Sister: LOL. You’re too much.

A week after that conversation I learned about a delusional symptom during my psychiatry attachment. It is called “Delusion of Love”. It is a false belief when someone believes that someone else is in love with him/her with a contrary in the reality. I don’t believe that she loves me, and that is the reality, I’m kind of accepting it now. However, I believe that one day I might have a chance to make her fall in love with me. I was once a boy who is easily to give up and switch to next affordable approachable target, but that is just not me now. I don’t give up now although sometimes I feel like to do so. I wait. I don’t know how long I should wait. I don’t know if I could achieve my dream in the end. I don’t know if there is a hope. I just know that I love her, and I want if there is one man she loves is me.

It does not really matter if I suffer a delusion. This delusion has made a good impact on me anyway. If, in the end, this love turned out to be just a delusion of love, I would still thank her. Because, in one part of my life, I have ever fallen in love as deep as the dead sea, and I have learned how to love someone without being loved, just to love. I am 100% sure I’m not deluded about this love. It is her whom I love, my W.

In Love.

eldios©

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