January 11th, 2010

I’m having a weird life with weird days recently. Since 3 weeks ago I have been living in some kind of weird feeling. A feeling of sadness and disappointment has haunted me night and days. I have tried to think positively and always try to be one. I turn around whatever bumped into my mind but it doesn’t work. I’m still losing that piece. A piece which can make me smiling all day long. A piece that can teach me how wonderful a friendship is. I always try to stand still no matter whose typhoon blows me. Day to day I try to be stronger and stronger but in every strength there is always a weak point. Sometimes this weak point can be covered and no one knows but this is not the case this time. I lost a piece of my soul. I feel lonely without the pair of my soul. This is really absurd.

I know I made mistakes but I did not know what mistakes I have done. I try to figure it out. I’m down and broken into pieces as I could not find the sin I did. Apology after apology I offered to the best of mine but the God has never answered the call. So I am still living my life with half of my soul. I do everything with 50% encouragement. However there is nothing I can do. Nothing.

I can just say that today i am sad to the bottomless sadness. I am falling without knowing I fall. I broke into tears because my heart was torn apart. I can not tell how much I miss the bitter half. I am such a fool.

I know the next statement is a childish statement but I just wanna say what I am feeling now. I know I am fool. I know I made mistakes. I apologised but there has never been an answer. I asked but ignorance all I got. More than a decade the pair has been together but it seems the end of everything. Now, I have lost the piece of my soul. My life is not perfect with it and without it simply means my life is worthless. Right now, I’m sitting on my bed, I’m thinking to kill the other half. Perhaps, it would be the way to reunite the pairs into one because nothing can replace you.

In Hell I will love you.

eldios©

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