240 Days

240 days
240 days ago 9:39 am
At the same time I write this
I saw a beautiful angel in front of me
A girl who is beautiful outside and more inside
A girl who managed to shattered my mind
A girl who stunted me and clenched my jaw
A girl who is charming, sweet and cute
A girl who drew a smile on my face
A girl who woke me up from my long sleep
A girl who carries me through thick and thin
A girl who hugs me and wipes my tears
A girl who wants to be with me despite my darkness
A girl who is hurt yet never gives up on me
A girl who is like a candle light in my darkness
She melts in pain and keeps on shining
A girl who is like a star in my night
She makes my nights beautiful
And my days colourful

240 days
240 days I spent with her
240 days we have known each other
We have had fights and cries
We have had laughters and tears
We have dived down the sea
And climbed up a mountain

240 days
240 days we never skip a day
240 days full of memories
Lots of tears but more of joy

240 days
From Mediterranean Islands to South Wales
From West Europe to East Asia
Day by day I fall in love with her more and more
Day by day I am longing for her more and more

240 days
Distance does not make a difference
Time does not have me tame

240 days
I cannot stop loving her
The girl I admire
The girl I care
The girl I miss
The girl I enjoy looking at
The girl I like to hug and cuddle
The girl I have my tears and laughs with
The girl I love purely wholeheartedly
From the deepest of my heart with the biggest honesty
The girl is you
Tan Wei Ting
I love you
I do love you
I really really do love you.

Msida, 14 February 2015
– edwongso –

Happy Valentine’s Day, Wei Wei.

It is unfortunate I cannot be by your side today but at least I have made an earlier arrangement for this Valentine’s. I hope you will like and enjoy the gifts, chocolates, dinner, orchids, roses, and the trip to Lake District. Last week, when I spent my time with you, I am out of words to describe how beautiful and wonderful my happiness was. I hope I could stay by your side forever. I would like to still buy you a bouquet of roses and have a date with you when I am in my 80s.

With Love,
eldios

A New Me

Good morning, 2015.

It is the first Monday of the year. It is the first week of the year. It is the start line.

It has at least been 2 years since my last New Year’s Resolution. It has at least been 2 years I have stayed down and low in the darkness. It has been at least 2 years I was isolated down in the dungeon. Alone and afraid to see the world. I have neglected life, hopes, and dreams for quite sometime.

I lost everything 2 years ago. I broke into pieces. I couldn’t see myself returning to the life I had wished, to the dream I used to have. I have lost my smiles. I grew up into an evil. I was disappointed with life. Depression over depression smashed into my life. Global monetary crisis bit me hard in the ass. I literally turned into a hard cold rock. I lived the life I was forced to live. Some parts of myself have died with the broken heart I had. Some of them went numb living the life I didn’t wish. I became skeptical about life and left everything I used to be. I never want to be kind, care, love, generous, heart-warming with life again. I felt betrayed.

But, in the last 7 months, there has been a huge turbulence in my life. An angel came to my life. She sparked my spirit back to wake up from my long sleep. She pulled me out from my darkness. She drew a smile on my face. She dragged me out of the mud. I crumbled every now and then, she stayed with me. I betrayed my promises, she didn’t leave. I exploded, she calmed. I love her. I know I love her, but myself isn’t ready. That’s why I never ask her to be mine yet. I want to repair myself first. I want to be a good man for her. Instead, I hurt her again and again.

Life has become full of regrets. Full of fights. Full of anger. I just never learnt from my mistakes or perhaps I was too dark to get some light. Until 2 weeks ago, I finally realize who I am. I need to change. I apologized with everyone I have hurt before. I want to move on in this life. I want to be the person I had wished I became 2 years ago. I want to be the kind guy, the generous man, the simple boy, the dreamer, the survivor, the warrior, the lover that I used to be.

I am tired. I am tired being a loser. I want to fight back.

2015. My New Year Resolution is so damn simple…

A NEW ME.

This is for my family.

This is for you, Wei.

This is for my friends.

This is for everyone.

I once said..

You’ve got to taste the worst to know the best

 

For the new me,

With Love,

eldios©

 

Stay Strong For You

UNTUKMU AKU BERTAHAN

Tenanglah kekasihku – Be calm my love

Ku tahu hatimu menangis – I know your heart cries

Beranilah dan percaya – Be brave and believe

Semua ini pasti berlalu – All these would fade away

Meski takkan mudah – Though it wouldn’t be easy

Namun kau takkan sendiri – But you’ll not be alone

Ku ada di sini – I am right here

 

Untukmu aku akan bertahan – For you I will stay strong

Dalam gelap takkan ku tinggalkan – In darkness, I won’t leave

Engkaulah teman sejati kasihku – You’re my true soulmate, my love

Di setiap hariku – In every day of mine

 

Untuk hatimu ku kan bertahan – For your heart I will stay strong

Sebentuk hati yang ku nantikan – A piece of heart I always long for

Hanya kau dan aku yang tahu – Only you and me would understand

Arti cinta yang telah kita punya – The true meaning of our love

-AFGAN©-

 

Translated by me.

 

26 weeks (182 days) ago. You came to my life. You didn’t just come and leave like other people. You stayed through many thick and thin. You survived through all heat and cold. You changed me. You transform my life. I was once a man who could care less about everything happening outside my world and inside me. I live my life from the time I open my eyes to close them again.

Then I saw you came. You shake my life. You teach me about love, about care, about kindness, about you. You tell me about having a heart. You build me to be a man. You stood strong when I crumbled down. You pulled me up when I slopped down. You draw a smile on my face. You brighten my days and lighten my nights. You shine inside me, in my heart. You give me warmth and love.

You made me love you for everything. You made me your warrior. You made me your other half. You made me significant.

I may not be able to pay for all you have brought for me. All I can do is fighting to be your happiness for now and ever. I have promised you that I will not leave you, that I will stay for you and be your happiness.

I sang the above song for you on 10th December 2014 on our way to London. I meant it every each word of it.

Half a year today. Many decades to come.

For your happiness, I survive. For my happiness, I love you.

For Wei.

With Love,

eldios©

Day 9 – How Could I Tell You?

Rain drops in a summer night

The sky is as gloomy as my heart

Standing on the bay

Staring far away

 

Sea waves roll high tides

Ocean lose their calms

Tonight it is one bumpy ride

In one of the dark realms

 

Oh love.

How much more should I say it out?

Don’t you hear my heart screaming loud?

 

Once upon a time not so long ago

On an old bench in this summer night

Through my eyes I have let you understood

You believe so I love you

 

But things have probably now altered

The dark days and miserable nights

Left you out questioned if I were honest

If I were just a little old unloved boy

 

Oh love.

How could I tell you the truth?

If you would never unlock your heart?

 

Oh love.

How would you feel what I feel?

If you would never glance on me?

 

Oh love.

You may never believe what I have said.

I love you.

 

Not because of longing for care

Not because of missing a girl

Not because you look after

 

I could give you thousands of reasons.

But love is sometimes so simple.

You brought me back to dreams.

You breath me into life.

You shine my heart.

You are my everything.

 

It is unfortunate that you don’t love me so.

It is worse when I can’t have the chance to prove my love.

It is worst when you disbelieve my true love.

 

Standing on the shore.

Tears stream on my shoulders.

How could I tell you?

I love you, Wei.

For everything you are.

From the deepest heart of mine.

In all honesty.

This is love that I feel upon you

 

Msida, 24th September 2014

-edwongso©-

 

For WT.

 

With Love,

eldios©

Day 8 – Letting Go

A week has now passed

A lot has occurred for us

From the sweetest to the ugliest

But together we could always surpass

 

We are stronger in bond

We stay united despite the last bomb

Together we could always survive

But both of us know, I’m fighting myself

 

Infatuation.

The history just repeats.

When one loves the other loves another.

 

Should I stay any longer?

Could I see you with the other?

 

Your happiness is my breath to life

Your sadness is my gateway to hell

Would I get the chance to be the man?

To love you and being loved?

 

Should I stay for more?

Or leaving you with the other?

 

All I could do tonight

Before I close my eyes and sleep tight

 

Perhaps one little prayer I would whisper

If you believe nobody else could make you happier

Not even this one man loner lover

Then be with him

Tears might drop and stream

I would still smile in the dim

I wish you the biggest happiest life

I love you more than anything

 

Msida, 23rd September 2014

-edwongso©-

 

For WT.

 

With Love,

eldios©

 

 

Day 2 – Pain

I am speechless.

I can’t even find a word to describe how painful this is

I don’t understand what has gone wrong between us

Is it wrong just to love you?

Is it wrong that I fall in love with you?

Is it my mistake that I just want to know a bit more than others?

I don’t understand what mistakes I have done

I have hurt you again and again

I tried so hard to understand

I tried so hard to see from your eyes

But I just could not

I could not see what you see

I kept on hurting you

You kept on believing that I am the bad one

I am lost

I am speechless

Tears drop and dry

Heart bleeds and cry

There are so much misunderstandings between us

But we can’t talk

We don’t have the time

Or we just don’t try harder

I am lost

I am speechless

I love you

All I do is because I love you

If this is a mistake

If this is what hurt you

I would rather not to hurt you

-edwongso©-

 

For WT.

I’m truly sorry I hurt you too much.

 

With Love,

eldios©

Day 1 – When You Are Gone

Morning rises slowly
Cloud turns grey
Emptiness in my heart
And sadness is quickyly filling up
Oh where are you love?
Wind blows wiping my tears
Can I shout my heart out?
I miss you…
I miss you probably too much
But without you life seems black and white
You are the reason I smile every day
You are the reason my heart pumps harder
I have said I love you more than thousands times
But they are still not enough
Oh where are you, love?
I can’t hold my tears any longer
I miss you..
Miss you here beside my heart

Msida, 16 September 2014
-edwongso-

For 为为。

我好想为为。

With Love,
eldios

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